We are all surrounded by different kind of people in our life. Some people around us, turn our bad mood into good and we give some people the power to do the reverse as well and these people we call as negative people in our lives. We will find them everywhere, be it at our workplace, or amongst our friends; and if you are fortunate enough, you can even find them at your own home :P. They can be your own parents or spouse or sibling or children. Not only this, you can find some negative person who was just a stranger to you, can be some lady or a man who picked up a fight with you for no reason. It is very important that learn the smart ways to deal with negative people to remain happy in life
Now the point is, how to we deal with these kind of people and not let them turn our good mood in a bad one?
There are 5 smart ways how you can do this and try to practice it.
- Identify how important that person is in your life. This is the most important thing to do. Ask yourself these questions and put the person in bucket list explained below.
- Bucket A: I don’t have to keep relation with this person .To give an example: Whenever I walk in late in my office, one colleague always has this habit to pass lame comments. Or, some distant relative met me in a wedding and started enquiring with some personal questions which made me feel uncomfortable. In both these scenarios, I was bound to get annoyed; but how do I deal with it now? I don’t have to meet them on a regular basis and I don’t even have to keep any relation with them.
- Bucket B: I have to keep relation with this person under obligation. The top few people you would be able relate with would be your colleague with whom you have to co-ordinate on daily basis even though you find him/ her negative. It can be some relative or a friend in the group at times; sometimes can be your in- laws as well. You find them negative but have to keep relation due to obligation. How do we deal in this scenario?
- Bucket C: I don’t want to break relation with these people because they are too close to me. This category of people, hurts the most. You have expectations from them since they are close to you. Neither can you leave them, nor can you tolerate them but want to stay with them. They can be your parents, spouse, children, boss. So how do we deal with these category of people
2. After you categorise the person, in which bucket he falls, you need to take appropriate action. We can’t take the same action for all buckets. Read below to understand why and what actions you need to take to remain positive dealing with negative people
- Bucket A: Since you don’t want to keep relation with the person, there is no point spoiling your mood over it. IGNORE THEM. You could also argue that as it is the person does not matter to you then might as well argue back. But if you do that, you will be simply wasting your time and energy. Ignoring is the best way. In the above scenario mentioned, where my colleague passes comments whenever I am late, I can either listen to this and react to it which will give them a sense of satisfaction; alternatively I can simply ignore him and walk away. I don’t have to give any explanation since I don’t have to keep relation with this person and we don’t work in the same team. Reacting would always give these people some sense of pleasure which you must not give them. That is when you win over them. I know it sounds too unrealistic but trust me it helps to remain positive. Give benefit of doubt that she might be in a hurry or might be frustrated. If you do the reverse for example; yell and argue? What benefit you would get apart from little bit of ego satisfaction? You will definitely lose your peace of mind in becoming negative. If some office colleague loves to gossip and you don’t like that, so when they gossip, you can simply ignore and excuse yourself. This is the best way how you are pushing negative people away without yourself becoming negative. However, if you feel that you are immensely provoked repeatedly, then give it back with a smile without getting angry:) Like once to that colleague, I mentioned very calmly that I didn’t know that he was given a new profile in the company of being the security guard.
- Bucket B: Now since you have to keep relation with these people but at the same time it is very difficult to ignore them, there are two ways. You can be assertive is the first one. For example, if you have a friend who always keeps advising you about how your career and how you talk, or body shaming you, you can be assertive that you don’t like being told this and maintain a cordial relationship just because you both hang out with the common set of friends. If the opposite person also wishes to keep relation with you, he will understand otherwise that person does not deserve to be in your Bucket B at all. Second way is, try not to be very sensitive with these people’s comments. Try not to over think it and laugh it out and reply them back smartly. If you want to discuss in detail any of your situations, https://unpluggedtalks.com/ click here and you can discuss with us UNPLUGGED.
- Bucket C: Now this category is very important to you since you don’t wish to break your relation with them. If that person is important to you, I am sure the feeling must be mutual for the opposite person too. It may happen that the person in this case may-not be negative but might give you negative feelings at times. Suppose your partner was rude but was rude in front of other people and you felt very negative about it. To deal with these people, the best way is to confront your feelings. Since they are the closest to you, they would understand how you feel. For that matter even your boss. If he crosses his boundary to make you feel negative, go and confess how he/ she made you feel.
3. Focus on yourself, rather than that person. Try not to overact and not take anything personally. Forgive them in your mind because you can’t change them. Consider and accept that as a part of their personality and not over-analyse them
4. As soon as someone makes you feel negative, either ignore or shift your focus to something that would give you happiness. Change your thought from negative to positive
5. Don’t give an explanation to these people. Just consider that arguing with them would be below your dignity and the best treatment would be to ignore. If you share a professional relationship, try to communicate on email keeping some other colleague or your manager in cc. This will automatically bring the person in limelight in front of others as well. This method has worked with me many times.
Well, these are some smart ways how you can deal with negative people. It is not very easy to deal with them always. Sometimes they take a toll on our health or make the work environment not conducive to work or spoil relations in the family. To sum it up, they should not be dealt with emotions but must be handled smartly. If you wish to share your experiences too, write it in the comments or connect on chat https://unpluggedtalks.com/